#AlltheRage by Courtney Summers

This is a rape book. And All the Rage by Courtney Summers says a lot.

But, did you hear me? This is a book about rape. A rape book.

The word 'rape' often rolls around uncomfortably in my mouth before coming out, and I get the feeling that's true for a lot of people. So, they use words like 'forced' and 'overpowered' to hide behind other words, safer words, than to let a word like 'rape' rise out of the dark, where everybody will see. Not everybody can bear it, to see. I'm not going to spare myself the discomfort.

This is an important book. Yes, the subject matter pertains to rape. But, it speaks to the before and after of rape, speaks to what so many of us are still afraid to acknowledge, let alone voice. It says something like,

I can outrun the boy in the truck bed. I can outrun the boy in the truck bed and all the other boys he's made in his likeness and all the boys who made themselves in his likeness since, just because they could, just because no one said they couldn't...

No one said they couldn't.

When you read something like that, All the Rage by Courtney Summers makes you wonder just what you have condoned or enabled simply by ignoring, by pretending away the truth. Makes you hate ever having thought because someone dresses provocatively or has feelings for a boy or comes from a bad family that they've put themselves in a position to be harmed. That they were asking to be harmed. Because they provoked, they incited, they can't be trusted.

Reminds us of how shitty a species we are. To be frank. And this from an optimist.

And that's the thing about All the Rage by Courtney Summers... there's no bullshit. Summers brandishes her words and dares you to face them, to have the guts to meet this awfulness head-on. And if you can keep reading, without looking away or cringing for too long, then there might be some hope for us after all.

The writing is all the more beautiful for it's sharp edges and grim, jaded inflections. Romy has a story inside her that's as broken apart as she is, and it tears and rends and grinds and pulls to read each piece. Because it leads to something that makes you want to close your eyes and keep them shut.

look at me.      I want you to look at me.

But, as proven with This Is Not a Test by Courtney Summers, as much as I can listen to what Summers has to say and what her characters have to say, I hate where our conversation ends up. Because it's vague and open and is always supposed to mean something, but I end up feeling lacking when I'm not satisfied by what it's all supposed to mean. It's not about making my own determination. I just hate feeling like I don't know the truth, that it's being hidden for the sake of my own interpretation.

I really wish Summers would stop doing that.